ADHD in the workplace with Trina Haynes, a founder of My Lady ADHD

Skye: 0:05

Hi, we are the ADHD skills lab podcast. My name is Skye,

Sarah: 0:10

and my name is Sarah.

Skye: 0:11

And we will be your hosts chatting to you about practical ADHD strategies. You can use the research behind some of these strategies as well as interviewing other professionals with ADHD, about how they've developed skills and working through struggles in their lives.

Sarah: 0:25

You might know us from unconventional organization where we talk about this kind of stuff all day long. So we're super excited to have you along and we're gonna chat through it together.

Skye: 0:39

Today, I'm with Trina Haynes, host of the podcast, my lady ADHD and the creator of many fun and really informative social media posts about ADHD that I've really enjoyed actually having come across my social media in the past few years. So Trina was late diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. And has gone on to create her own wonderful supportive ADHD community. And I know that you're building so much more than that. So I'm excited to get into it. So welcome, Trina. It's great to have you. Thank you.That

Trina: 1:08

was such a warm welcome.I appreciate you having me on.I'm looking forward to this little chat. Yeah,

Skye: 1:15

it's one of those things where I've seen you a lot, but we haven't really spoken before.So it's, I love the podcast for that we get to really dive in get to know people.

Trina: 1:22

Yeah. Awesome. So start by just telling

Skye: 1:25

me where are you based?

Trina: 1:27

So I'm on the East Coast in Virginia. In the US? Yeah, I moved. Actually, that's kind of what started my ADHD journey is I moved here in 2021. And it kind of shifted my whole life like my job changed. Of course,my house changed. I moved about eight hours away. And I was really struggling at work. And with the whole move, and it kind of pushed me into therapy. And that's kind of how I got diagnosed.

Skye: 1:54

Okay, wow. Yeah. Because I was gonna ask, what was it? That was the catalyst? And so yeah,for you was was moving to the east coast, where were you before?

Trina: 2:03

So I was about eight hours away in Tennessee. So it wasn't that far. It just though the move and the job change.Really what it was, was the job kind of triggered everything for me, because I had finally found a job that like checked every box for me. So it was like great pay great flexibility. It's what I wanted to do, had a free car got to travel like it checked every single box. But yet, I was still massively struggling. And so I kept thinking my whole life. Like, once I get the job that fits, I won't have these many struggles, like I won't be suffering so much once I get that job. And when I got that job, and I continued to struggle, I was very lost very confused, didn't understand what the problem was. I was beating myself up so badly. And I ended up in therapy because I actually started having panic attacks,which had never happened before.So the move and then new job kind of just pushed me into getting help.

Skye: 3:02

So you went to therapy?And at that point, did your therapist recommend that you get a diagnosis of ADHD?

Trina: 3:08

Yeah, I was so lucky because my therapist had ADHD.And so she immediately like from the get go, she was like, you know, maybe you have ADHD girl.That's like, No, I literally did not agree. I thought that only little boys had ADHD. I dismissed it right away. I was like, This is ridiculous. Like,there's no way and so that he was pretty persistent. She was like, I think you should get tested for ADHD. I think that would answer a lot of questions for you. And so she did push me to get that diagnosis. And lo and behold, it really pushed me to like, educate myself about women with ADHD. It opened up Pandora's box for me, basically,and changed the whole trajectory of my life.

Skye: 3:56

Yeah, that's interesting.I mean, shout out to all of these therapists. I feel like this is a story I've heard before the idea of a therapist who has ADHD or knows about ADHD, who's able to point you in the right direction, because it is confusing. Like you said, you were in there with panic attacks. It's hard to plot that line unless you know what you're looking for.

Trina: 4:18

Yeah, we started with anxiety. Like, obviously, if I'm having panic attacks, there's some anxiety going on. And she had kind of pinpointed anxiety could be part of the problem.But the more she spent time with me, I think of them or they're,like ADHD is the issue and like,yeah, anxiety, yes, plays a part in what my struggles were, but they go hand in hand. And now I know that like they kind of feed each other. It's a vicious little cycle right with ADHD and anxiety. And so then I was just feeding that monster right with all my symptoms and trying to manage my symptoms caused me so much anxiety. Yeah, and so yeah,and yes, I agree that there's so many therapists there's so many good to clinicians out there that are helping women with ADHD, but I do know that there's still an issue. There's still so much problems when it comes to get a diagnosis a woman with ADHD and it's something that I talk about all the time because I hear it in the community, and I hear how difficult the access to care. There's a lot of barriers there. Yeah,definitely. I kind of see myself as one of the lucky ones that I got lucky that my therapist had ADHD.

Skye: 5:28

Yeah, no, 100%, I feel actually very much the same way about my diagnosis, which we can talk about on your podcast. Yes,for that. So tell me a little bit, you know, you support and you work with ADHD adults, you support people, a lot of you know, understanding how to manage their life at the workplace. Obviously, that's a huge place where ADHD comes into play. Before we get into that,I'd really love to know about your own experiences in the workplace with ADHD. you've referenced it a little bit more just now. But what industries have you worked in? And I say industries, because I'm sort of assuming.

Trina: 6:06

Yeah, so this is something that I'm super passionate about. Because this is an area of my life that I've massively struggled in. I've often said that I've had over 30different job titles, that's not jobs, that's a job titles. So I have flip flopped, I've had jobs all over the place. But I've been really lucky that I kind of found my spot, I found a place where I was okay, in marketing,where I can make the skills to any job. So as someone with ADHD, like I kind of learned marketing, and I could do that job, anywhere, I could work for any company. So I did, I did a lot of bouncing around. I did marketing for restaurants for nonprofits, for IT companies health care. I mean, I literally have done marketing for every single company, because I thought that was the problem. I thought the job was the issue.And I could fix that, like that was easy for me to fix, I could just go get another job and try that one and go get another job.And so I really, really struggled in the workplace, I was fired. I quit abruptly many,many times, I would have problems like with my supervisors, I really didn't like having supervisors. Like I just didn't mesh well with the management usually, or I would just become the management I would be the leader. And that's that's what I'm now no was probably more the issue is like,I was a leader and I it was hard for me to follow a lot of times because I didn't do things the way that they wanted them done.So yeah, I really struggled in the workplace and something that I talk about a lot, I now help ADHD years, like, even know what accommodations look like, even know what to ask for in the workplace. And so it's something that I'm really, really passionate about.

Skye: 7:53

Yeah, no, definitely. I'm excited to get into the weeds of what those accommodations are with you a little bit in terms of the struggles that you did have in the workplace, you know,did you find I'm just curious,was your your job, the kind of job where you stayed a lot in one place? Was that a job that involves lots of travel? I know you mentioned your own car? Or was it a bit of a mixture?Depending on where you were?

Trina: 8:16

Yeah, no, normally I needed to be a little bit of a nomad. So I kind of needed to get out of the office a lot. I wanted, like jobs where I was driving around and exploring.And that's a kind of kept it fun for me for as long as it did was the novelty and new and going new places all the time. But I also loved working kind of in an office environment where there were lots of people around and I'm very, I'm an extrovert, and I love just connecting with people in the office. But that caused a lot of problems for me,right? It's a social work environment to be the job. That could be what we did today.Yeah, it's very hard to like actually get things done when there's so much stimuli in the room. So yeah, I mean, I just have tried to like tweak each job, like I kept trying to be like, okay, that doesn't work for me, I'm gonna try this environment now. And I would I was constantly trying to, like,tweak it just a little bit and like, Okay, well, maybe I'll get a job or I'm doing this kind of travel, maybe I'll get a job.And so I tried every job. There is, I mean, if I did get an interview, I would I have applied for hundreds, I want to say 1000s of jobs, because that's what it feels like. But it's probably more like, I've been on hundreds of interviews.And I never put two and two together. I didn't know ADHD was the missing piece.

Skye: 9:40

Yeah, definitely. Well, I wasn't gonna ask this but you say you've applied for hundreds of jobs. And I'm just like shuttering slightly because I remember that experience of applying for jobs. Do you have any strategies for ADHD people out there who, who do need to apply for jobs, you know, from your own experience?

Trina: 9:58

I need now I would recommend Working with the company like I work with inclusively. So they're a company that it's like a job board for neurodivergent people.So they're working with companies who want to hire people with ADHD arena with companies who understand accommodations, they communicate the accommodations for you. If there's any kind of service out there like inclusively, I would just look for that, where you can go to a job board and apply for jobs that really see the value in having people with ADHD on their staff, I can't really stress that enough is to like be vocal about the accommodations you need, right from the get go.And if they don't want to hire you for having ADHD, do you really want to work there?That's what I have to like, ask myself is, okay, if I'm uncomfortable having this conversation with this company about my ADHD? And if they don't handle it properly? I'm not sure if I want to work. Yeah, not everyone has that kind of freedom to turn a job down because of that. So I'm coming from a very privileged place saying that, but that's kind of where I am with it is that I don't want to be somewhere where I'm not valued. Yeah,

Skye: 11:12

that's a decision you've made for yourself. And that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, especially the more you work in the space of ADHD, and the more you support ADHD people,

Trina: 11:22

oh, the more I'm around ADHD people, the more I realize I don't have to put up with certain things. And then I can speak up for myself and I can voice my accommodations. And if they don't like it, that's on them. That's not on me. Like I have to set some boundaries with companies that I want to work with. And just be really clear about who I am and what I bring to the table. And that's taken a lot of time to figure out.That's not something that I just stumbled on. I mean, I'm still looking at that, like, what do I bring to the table?

Skye: 11:56

Yeah, definitely. So but for anybody who has to apply for a job, they have several contracts that they have to read through, or they have some interviews. What do you recommend? You know, what did you find that you did to get through that process?

Trina: 12:13

Oh, I think just really looking at the job description.And being really honest with yourself, if it says things like attention to detail is something that they're looking for, or timely, I think not kidding yourself with what you bring to the table. Because if they're looking for someone with that specific mentality, and then ADHD, you shows up to work the next day. It's confusing for both parties, right? Because you're having to mask and pretend that you're someone you're not. And I think just being really honest with yourself, and it's so hard when you have ADHD, because every new job is like, so fun and exciting. You can picture yourself there you're like, can be a florist can open a bookstore, because that's one of our skills is we think, and we can do anything, right? Like we're so painfully optimistic.But really look at that job description. Is that something you want to do every day? Like,visualize yourself there? What does it feel like to sit at that desk for eight hours?

Skye: 13:18

Yeah, that's the full day that will really get you. Yeah.And

Trina: 13:21

like, you may have to dig deeper. And really, I think the biggest lesson for me is if there's not a job out there for me, I'm going to have to create it for myself. And that is something that you may end up walking away from is like, rash.I'm really looking for this specific role that meets my needs. And if you consistently can't find that, you may have to actually go work for yourself and create that for yourself. Mm hmm. There's a piece of that too.

Skye: 13:50

Yeah. I mean, I know a lot of people with ADHD, ourselves included, end up being entrepreneurs. And people always say, why does that happen? Well,one of the reasons it's kinda odd to make a job that you and that can be very, very difficult, for sure.

Trina: 14:05

Wow. I mean, we are always evolving, right? Like,you have ADHD, your interests are changing minute by minute,sometimes hour by hour. And when you work for yourself, you have a little bit more flexibility to pivot when you want to, you can start a podcast if you like, you can pivot much quicker. And I think companies don't allow for pivot a lot of times, and that really hits home with people with ADHD because we want to be able to create and pivot and try new things. And a lot of companies don't allow for that,which is, honestly that's to their detriment. That's not good for their company.

Skye: 14:42

Yeah, definitely.Definitely. I mean, I think it is a very, very tricky balance.And to anybody who's thinking about it, I would say yeah,definitely giving yourself time to try and figure out like what your company can do, and then you're able to make that decision can be really helpful.And it's interesting you say the thing about the workplace because we often talk about this idea of, if you're coming up trying to find what you need to fit what job works for you, it's not about what could I do. It's about what makes me want to get up in the morning, every day day in and day out to do that

Trina: 15:14

is huge. I mean that just saying in that mindset of like,Yeah, we could do so many things. What do you want to do?Like, what do you really want to do? And, and a lot of job hunting and job searching comes down to soul searching and really like journaling,documenting, like, what do you lie? What do you want your day to look like? Do you want to go to an office every day? Do you want to work from home? Do you want to do a hybrid model? Like,okay, that's a good place to start? Yeah, it's figuring out what you want, and not what the company wants?

Skye: 15:47

Yeah, no, definitely.Although shout out to all the people who just went out and got a job because they needed the money, because I've been,

Trina: 15:55

Oh, we've all been there.Two steps away from that every day. I'll tell you right now, it crosses my mind daily. I'm like,what do we have on a day to day like, I still look, I still have that.

Skye: 16:07

I still have that automation that New Zealand version automation on my Google Calendar.

Trina: 16:12

Yeah. Oh, my resumes updated even though I told myself I will never work for a company again, like I'm ready.Like if the right opportunity came, I would go and apply because I just, I still have that part of me and ADHD. That's just it's fun to like, start a new job for me is like exciting.And but that fades pretty quickly. For most ADHD years.Like once you're there for a few months, and the novelty has worn off. That's when people with ADHD really struggle is when you're there. And things start to get boring, and they start to get complacent, or it starts to get really difficult. And that's typically where it starts crashing and burning. And that is Oh, honestly, that can be really hard for people with ADHD. And I've been there I have Oh, girl, have I been there?Yeah, I live that life.

Skye: 17:02

Yeah, no. 100%. And before we jump into that I do you want to just switch it into a slightly more positive tech and talk about, you know, looking back, did you notice any strengths that you really brought to the different jobs that you had, prior to your ADHD? What were those?

Trina: 17:20

Yeah, it's so funny. I've actually thought about this,because a lot of the things that would come up at work, like let's say during my evaluation would be that I talked a lot or that I was like, distracting maybe some of the other people in the office because I was very chatty, or that I had great ideas. But like, follow through was really difficult, right? All of the things that were brought up in my evaluations, of course,makes sense now. But they all play into what I do now. Right?So like, I host a podcast where I can talk as much as I want to talk, right? I can interview people where I'm like, learning about them. I'm doing now what I was doing then, like I was interviewing people in my office without even knowing it. Like I knew every single thing about everybody I worked with. And that's honestly, that's a skill.And the companies were looking at it as like, this is a distraction, which obviously it was, but like, I should have been put in different roles where I could utilize, not everybody wants to talk to everyone, you know, like,that's, yeah, definitely. It's a skill to be a people person. And like, I should have maybe been a front desk person, or you know,I should have been moved around in those situations. But now I've learned, like, almost everything I've done that I was kind of getting drawn for is now a complete asset and what I do for work, so I've kind of flipped it into, like, those used to be considered weaknesses in the corporate world. And they are now a strength in what I do now. And I had a light bulb moment a few months ago, where I realized that and I was like, Oh my gosh, like, it wasn't, it wasn't me. Like, I just wasn't in the right place. And I knew that long and I knew every job.After a few months, I would be like, it seems in it. And I would want to go at that point.I kind of always knew there was something and I always knew what was wrong for me. And I could just leave immediately like, No,this isn't the one. And now I kind of feel like okay, I'm getting closer. I'm settling into the right thing. And I already forgot the question you asked, but I hope I answered it.

Skye: 19:36

No, definitely strengths in ADHD. And I say that because I have the question written down.

Trina: 19:42

Yeah, it just I think what used to be considered a weakness. I was just not looking at it right. Like I wasn't seeing it as a strength. I think that's really really common ADHD years, we've been told that these things about us our weaknesses and that we need to stop doing them and we need to rush and be quiet and not talk so much. To borrow ideas to ourselves and no, you just haven't found the right environment to blossom

Skye: 20:06

to do that. Yeah, no,definitely. So for you, it was really a case of just that reframing or that reviewing what you'd experienced, you know,both in the negative and in the positive as well. Yeah, that's also

Trina: 20:19

taken a lot of time. I mean, I've trust me those evaluations, when they would sit me down and tell me like, hey,you need to not talk to everyone so much, or you need to be more organized. And those little conversations were really,really hard. And I was so mean to myself over those. I just wanted to fit in, I just wanted to like work like everyone else.Like, why was it so hard for me to get work done? I didn't understand that. And all I did was beat myself up for years and years and years. And now I'm,it's twisted, like it's flipped a little bit. And I don't beat myself up near as much, it still happens. But I see those things as strengths now. And that's really cool.

Skye: 20:59

Yeah, no, that's really awesome. And so if you, you know, I want us to take a minute here, because I want to provide some really good strategies for people who are currently in the workspace. So if somebody is in a workplace, let's say, you know, there's a little bit of hybrid flexibility, because that's really common now. But there's a lot of, you know,sitting in an office as well.And they are experiencing being bored at work. You know, how would you talk to them about that? How would you support them in that,

Trina: 21:28

I would take some time and really brainstorm and write down different ways that you can make it fun again. So spend time like, block out an hour of your day and look at okay, what are the tools out there that I can use? Is it a visual timer? Do I need earplugs? Should I work from a different space? Should I try body doubling? Like write them all down? Like jot them down? What could work? What's working for other ADHD ears?Like, there's apps called llama live, there's different tools out there. Write them all down,keep them handy, and just pick at them. If you're really struggling one day, just grab one just like yeah, grab one of those from your toolbox and try it. It's all about like trying and seeing what works, but also being okay, when that tool doesn't work for you. Monday through Friday. Yeah, it could only work for you for three hours. But oh my gosh, it worked for three hours. Like you have to shift that mindset and allow for tools to be short term. And that's okay.

Skye: 22:34

Yeah. And you can have a basket of them or list of them.As you said, you can pick them back up. If you find these strategies really helpful, I recommend that you subscribe to our podcasts so that you get them every week when we launch a new episode. One of the things I often talk about, you know, if we're talking about the idea of like dopamine additions, or fidget toys or things like that.One of the things I often say yeah, I've got my trying to find one that makes no noise. And one of the things that I recommend,and then I have to explain it sometimes for people who don't remember, before cellphones,which I kind of remember, there were these like retro toys,where you would play you know,on the bus on the way home when you're a kid didn't kinda like that. They'd be like a little thing where you would like yacht's crate, yeah, yeah. Or you'd like have to, like put a ball in a thing

Trina: 23:25

telling you, I loved those. I know. And I

Skye: 23:29

often recommend people in the workplace, they get some of those really old school retro toys, you can still find them,you know, the little basketball that you have to shoot into, or all those kinds of things. And you just have a bunch of those like, it's I agree with you, I think the being able to be in a different space is really good.And so as you know, all the music and stuff like that, but sometimes we just need it, like you said, have as many things as possible.

Trina: 23:55

I think the biggest thing there is releasing the shame around. Oh, I tried that timer once, and I forgot about it for a year. And that's okay. Like it worked for a little bit. Let's try it again. Later. Someone told me once on a podcast, okay,think of an actual toolbox. Are you using every single tool in that toolbox every single day?Like, are you literally pulling out the measuring tape, the hammer, the screwdriver, the pliers, the wrench every single day? No, you're pulling out the one you need to get the job done. And then you're putting it back on. You're picking it up later. And it's kind of how it works with ADHD. And like, I think a lot of us have this idea of like, I just downloaded this app, it's going to change my life. I'm going to use it every day for the rest of my life. And you have to let that go. You have to say here's a tool for my toolbox and I could use it Monday but I might not see it again. Or three more Monday's and that's okay. But having lots of options to pull from just keeps it fun and exciting for us. And I think once you can let go of that shame around. Oh,It'll it didn't work very long.Like, it worked for a minute.Like, that's awesome. Yeah,that's probably the biggest one.I mean, I have a lot of specific tools, if you want to get into that. I could also share that with you later. And you can share it in the notes if you want. Yeah, I can definitely put

Skye: 25:14

that in the show notes.Yeah, that would be awesome. It is interesting. You mentioned that actually, because it reminds me of something as well,that often happens when people say, Okay, I'm getting into planning here a little bit. But you know, okay, I've got this new plan idea, I've got this new system, and I'm just gonna spend the next month setting it up.And then once it's done, once it's all perfectly set up, then my life will be completely organized with ADHD, and I won't need to use anything else again.And I often recommend against that. And we talk a little bit in coaching about trying to find a way to, to do a little bit of it, and then see if it works and test it and bend it and break it. And you know, that kind of thing for exactly what you said,you know, those systems don't often end up being the be all and end all. Unfortunately.Yeah. I would love it.

Trina: 26:06

Yeah, that sounds really lovely. But honestly, there are a few things like tried and true things that do work for me, but they're not going to work for everyone. But they're once you know, those like two or three or four things that get you organized or keep you on task.Like I know music is a key one for me like classical music, air pods, like I probably would not survive a workday without my AirPods. And yeah, I like a visual timer, usually. And then a whiteboard. Those are like probably my key four things that I try to use.

Skye: 26:39

Yeah, those the things at the top of your toolbox. They're really easy to each toolbox.Yeah,

Trina: 26:45

yes. But sometimes on those hard days, I gotta like go through that little drawer in the toolbox that you never open and like, look for that thing that I use that one time and try it again. And like, I have to just be okay with that. I have to be okay, knowing that not one tool is going to make my ADHD disappear. And that's okay.

Skye: 27:06

And sometimes I think if you're trying to figure out what tools work for you, it can be helpful to go, what am I already doing? And kind of starting from there, you know, am I already listening to music? Could I branch out from there? Am I already using Google Calendar?Could I expand on that rather than going and doing something completely different?

Trina: 27:27

That's another thing is,I mean, when you say Google Calendar, like I have tried and spent a lot of time automating as much as possible for myself.So that would be like another tip is to spend time on the calendar just to organize everything, like block out time,at the beginning of the week, we lost to have a baseline for the rest of the week just to like,organize all the crazy files on my computer that I just saved randomly everywhere, like put them where they go and like organize my emails and spend time organizing things. That only helps future me. And it's something that I can't just do once I have to schedule it for myself to like, spend time just getting organized, just like getting back to a blank canvas.Because probably by the end of the week, I've created a chaotic mess in my office. Yeah, yeah.And I need to like get back down to like peace and calm and quiet and clean before I can even tempt a workday.

Skye: 28:28

Yeah, no, 100% I do this as well. It's a little bit like cleaning your kitchen, where you're just like, I can't believe it. I just clean this should stay clean. I

Trina: 28:37

think we forget like I if I don't have a dedicated time for that I will not do it. Like I have to remind myself that this is important. And then yes,you can probably function the other way. But should you?

Skye: 28:50

Yeah. And you might you might miss a few more things.And it just checking in with yourself about what level of chaos is the right level for you? Basically?

Trina: 29:00

It depends on that one there is. Yeah, I know. varies from week to week. I mean, it depends to have like taking an inventory. Before you sit down at your desk. Like did you sleep? Okay, last night. Have you eaten today? Like, have you had anything to drink? Do you need to go outside? Like, the stage has to be set for me to have like an optimal workday,right? Like I have to make sure that I'm taking care of on all the other fronts before I can you even consider being productive because if I'm sitting here and I'm like,hungry, tired, and I've been outside in three days, like the place is a mess, like I am not setting myself up for success.In fact, I'm probably setting myself up for the opposite of success. So really making a point to like check in with yourself before your work. And if you're noticing like, and I'm really tired, I don't feel good.Like it's okay to take I'm off to

Skye: 30:02

it is it is hard to remember. But that even if it's just going for a walk,

Trina: 30:06

even if it's an hour or two or whatever, like, it's really hard for us as ADHD as I think to, we have to feel like we're always trying to keep up with everyone else and showing any kind of weakness or showing any kind of, like admitting that you need a break or admitting that you're tired. That's hard to do. But you're definitely hurting yourself if you're not checking in with what's going on.

Skye: 30:29

Yeah, definitely. So I also want to touch on the idea of, because I think this is quite relevant, because I know you're working on a few projects at the moment. People who are struggling to do big tasks at work, you know, they have that big multi step can't be done completely by the end of the day kind of task. And they're just having a hard time getting their arms around it, basically. And getting that sense of momentum.What what kinds of things do you tend to recommend in that instance,

Trina: 30:59

obviously, people say break it down into small chunks,which is can be very difficult for someone with ADHD. A coach told me when I make my To Do lists to use action words, like,instead of just writing emails on my list, like, read five emails, send five emails, right,like being very specific. So when you go to write your long to do this, like we all do, if you have laundry on the list,okay, well, what does that mean?Like? Interpret right away,interpret when that's finished?I need that's multiple steps,right? It's just we can use laundry as an example. So on my to do list instead, it's like,put the laundry in the basket.Mm hmm. Take it downstairs.That's another step. Like very specific, almost elementary style, writing down tasks. As far as the action, what are you going to do? Yeah, that has really helped. And then or also,I'm only going to work on this for an hour. And whatever I can get done in an hour. Great. But sometimes with us, we'll be like, okay, my task today is to plan a wedding. Yeah, it's like,a plan

Skye: 32:19

a wedding? And I'll see how much time I have left at the end of

Trina: 32:22

the day. No, okay. Okay,girl, wedding, let's just breaking that down into steps.Should be your to do list that day. Yes, that's what you need to do. Like if you're struggling to break down a task into smaller tasks. Okay, on Monday,that's all I'm going to do. I am going to spend the day breaking down my big task into smaller tasks. And if I'm struggling there, I'm going to ask for help. Like, I'm going to reach out and be like, I can't figure out where to start here. Can you help me prioritize this. And that is one of the biggest things you can do in an office environment is prior yourself to break it down into smaller chunks, if you still can't figure out where to start,because the executive functioning that we are struggling with, then you go and ask a colleague or someone here's my to do list, where do you think I should start? And have them help you prioritize them?

Skye: 33:17

Yeah, no, I think that's a really great point. And also,like you said, that planning like not being ashamed to plan because there is a tendency,especially with neurotypicals,there's a tendency to say, just get started. And once you get started, you'll have an understanding of what you're doing and ADHD, with the executive functioning struggles and the time blindness struggles, we don't have that ability as much we actually do need to have that dedicated time to plan even though it feels in the moment, like a lack of action, or something that you might be like, I can't believe I can't do this, like the first things on the list. Just do it.

Trina: 33:52

I can't believe I have to write down open your email.

Skye: 33:56

If there's a low executive functioning day, it's on the list.

Trina: 33:59

Yeah, but I mean, yeah, I think just setting time aside to plan. Like, we need extra time to plan because our attack plan our plan of attack looks way different than most people's plan of attack. That's okay. But like, be aware of it. allow extra time for everything.That's another tip that I should have. Yep. Putting 500 tasks on your to do list. Really? Again,look, did you sleep well, last night? Are you hungry? Are you tired? How many spoons do you have today? And I don't know if you've know what this area is.But like, really look at what you're capable of. And being honest with yourself. Like,yeah, you've lived your life.You know what you're capable of look at that list again. Is it really doable? Are you setting yourself up for shame, real failure, set yourself up for success with small, simple tasks. If they're not simple,then you break them down again.

Skye: 34:57

Yeah. And attaching the time to the tasks I think You're right, it's so helpful. One of the things I often say to clients is if you don't know how long it's going to take, then estimate it and then double that time. And it's so surprising how often that's pretty much how long it takes.

Trina: 35:13

I'm super guilty of like the, okay, I've got a podcast,I'm going to record in 20minutes. Okay, I'm in my head.I'm like, Oh, I've got 20minutes to get this, this, this,this, this, this, this, this and this done. And then I'm late to the podcast, right? Yeah, guys show up scrambled and I mess it.But I'm trying to when I hear myself say, Oh, you've got 20minutes. I'm like, okay, a 20minute break right now would be great. Don't do that. Don't run around. Like I have to yell at myself quite often.

Skye: 35:44

We try not to do that. But yeah, it's definitely it's definitely easy. It's like a good yelling

Trina: 35:49

at myself. It's like,Hey, you deserve to sit down for20 minutes.

Skye: 35:54

I like that. You're cheering yourself on?

Trina: 35:57

Yeah, like when I find myself with an extra 10 or 15minutes in between things.Instead of running around trying to fill that time. I'm now like,let's sit down for 15 minutes before this. And think about it.Definitely. It's much easier said than done. And I know we're probably wrapping up soon. I do want to mention the people at work that are struggling with like, asking for help or asking for accommodations. I think we have this idea that we have to go into the HR office and be like, I have ADHD, help me that is not accepted that often.Right now, like there's some stigma around ADHD. And it's not the coziest environment to go into the HR office and shout, I have ADHD, right? Like that's,that's not realistic for a lot of people. But what you can do is say, I need accommodations,and you don't even have to mention the word ADHD at all.Yeah. So if you go to the office and say, Hey, I need help. I'm just struggling with this one area. These are some accommodations that I think would help me. And you don't have to mention ADHD in that conversation if you're not comfortable doing that. And it's okay to ask for accommodations as a human being

Skye: 37:11

100%. You know, and people are much more open now to the idea that we work differently,we need different ways of working.

Trina: 37:17

Exactly. And you will get a much different response. I'm not saying that all companies are like this. But there's still a lot of companies out there that if you come in you say you have ADHD, you don't know how that's going to be perceived.You don't know how they're going to react, they might be one of those people that think that everyone has ADHD. And so if you're not, if you're feeling that you're not comfortable having that conversation yet, I would start with the, hey, I think I need accommodations here. I'm kind of struggling.Here's what I think would help me. Yeah. And that's all you have to say.

Skye: 37:50

Yeah. Like, I'll be more productive if we get to do this.

Trina: 37:55

Yeah, you'll get a better employee out of me, if you allow me to be have a more flexible schedule. Like, is there any wiggle room here? I'm really struggling. And it's okay to say you're struggling. And we really, really have a hard time admitting that because we want to try to keep up the appearance with we don't want to be struggling, right. Like we don't. We don't, but it's okay to say I just think I would work better this way. Yeah. And they want you to work optimally,right? Yeah. No, I mean,hopefully.

Skye: 38:26

Yeah. I

Trina: 38:27

just think sometimes people with ADHD they get hung up on like, oh, I can't tell my boss, I have ADHD. I don't know how to ask for help. Because I can't I can't have that conversation. And it's you don't have to you don't have to say, I have ADHD, you can just say this would help me work better. I think that's really important.And hopefully one day soon, you won't have to have fear having that conversation. But I think there is still some of that.Yeah, no,

Skye: 38:52

that's a really good point. That's a really good point. Okay, so I'm gonna round it out today with some ADHD quick questions. These are questions we ask everybody on the podcast, tell us about one professional achievement that you're the most proud of.

Trina: 39:06

So I've had all kinds of jobs. But back when I was in my early 20s, I worked for like a foster family agency, and I worked with kids in foster care.And that whole experience was extremely rewarding for me. So I don't I can't pinpoint it to one thing at that company. But I think overall, working with kids in foster care was really impactful. really impacted me.And then I guess what I'm doing now? Also would be a close second to that.

Skye: 39:34

Awesome. Yeah. What about a professional failure that was embarrassing to you? How did you deal with that?

Trina: 39:41

Honestly, the most recent job that I had in marketing, I worked for an IT company. When I left that job, I felt like a failure. I felt like I should have been able to handle it. It was in my wheelhouse. And it was a great job. I loved my team. It was very difficult for me to leave there, but I just could not manage the workload and it was causing me a lot of anxiety and kind of admitting defeat there was really difficult for me. What it also led me to do the work that I'm doing now. So,at the time, it was really painful, but now looking back,like, Oh, thank God, I don't work there anymore.

Skye: 40:20

Yeah, sometimes the catalysts we need, but yeah,also

Trina: 40:24

it was kind of like, Hey,thanks for giving me a shot. I'm gonna go do Instagram now. Like,well, yeah,

Skye: 40:32

and do it very well. It was very

Trina: 40:35

embarrassing to like,just come out and say, and of course, they were like, Oh,you're gonna go be an influencer now. Okay. And I'm like, it's bigger than that. But yeah,yeah. Yeah.

Skye: 40:48

Yeah, no, definitely.Definitely. Well, you went in,you did an amazing job. You did a really great job. Oh, thanks.

Trina: 40:54

Oh, no, I'm just a work in progress. And, yeah,sometimes I want to this is hard, right? Like, what I do is difficult. And sometimes it's easier for me to just like, oh,I should just go get a job and not stress about this type of work. So I have that mental back and forth quite often. Yeah,still, a struggle is still a struggle for me to figure out my place in the workplace, whether that's working for myself or working for someone else. I am still piecing that together. But I think what I've learned now is just to like, stand up for myself and know my limitations and know my strengths. And that's been the difference.

Skye: 41:29

Yeah. Even if that person is you, you're like, No, me. I need a break. When you

Trina: 41:35

work, I know somebody said, Somebody asked me the other day, they were like, You should treat yourself like you're your boss. And who is your boss? Good to you? Like,are you a good boss for yourself? Are you working 12hours a day? Are you getting out and going like, Is your boss nice to you? And I'm like, oh,man, I am my boss. And I'm so mean to myself. Like I am the meanest boss.

Skye: 41:59

Yeah, it happens. It's so easy to do. And yeah, cuz you know, you're like, No, you've got a five minute break, I saw that five minute break,

Trina: 42:06

like you are the boss of you. Like, that's the whole point. Like, even if you work for someone else, like you are the boss of you. And you get to decide how you live your life,you get to decide what you want to put up with. And you get to decide if you want to have anxiety every day, or if you want to choose a different path.And me realizing that that's been a doozy. That's been a whole lot of therapy. Mm hmm.Yeah.

Skye: 42:31

And on that note,actually, if you had an ADHD life motto, what would it be?

Trina: 42:37

I don't know. I think it's finding community has been a really big piece of my puzzle.Whenever someone asks me, you know, I just got diagnosed with ADHD, what do you recommend?Where do I start? My first thing is, you have to find your community, you have to find other people with ADHD. That's probably the thing that I'll carry with me is like, I have to be connected to other people with ADHD in some way. And without this community, I would not be this confident, I would not feel this much better. I would not be doing this work that I'm doing, like having other ADC peers around me has just been just life changing,honestly.

Skye: 43:15

Yeah, it's so huge. It's amazing. I agree. Totally. So just like

Trina: 43:19

find your community would be my EDC motto, I guess. Like,find your people great motto.

Skye: 43:24

Yeah. Find your people. I love that. I love that. Oh,well, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and all of your ADHD skills with us today. I'll put all you know, like you said,those recommendations that you have in the show notes. But where can people find out more about you and the work that

Trina: 43:40

you do? You can find me at my lady adhd.com You can find me on Instagram, I lead the ADHD. That's my handle for everything. I obviously have my lady ADHD podcast, that's a good place to get just some really interested in conversations with women who have ADHD. It's awesome. You can find your community there. Yeah. And then I'm hosting the first ever ADHD women's retreat in September of this year, and then another one in January of next year. So you can learn more at Get lost retreats.com

Skye: 44:12

Also, yeah, lots and lots of different ways to find your community. And yeah, I recommend checking out your, all your things. It's really fun and really informative as well. So Oh, thank

Trina: 44:23

you.

Skye: 44:23

Thank you so much, Trina.It's wonderful to talk to you.Thank you sky appreciate it.Thanks for listening. If you'd like to reach out or connect with us, you can leave us a message and admin and unconventional organization.com

Sarah: 44:39

You can also find out more about our ADHD coaching organization read our free articles or sign up to our online courses at unconventional organization.com That's organization with a Z or an S they both will get you there.

Skye: 44:53

If you'd like to learn more about what we discussed here today or you want to read the transcript. You can find that on our show notes page at unconventional organization.com

Sarah: 45:02

If you've enjoyed this podcast and thinks someone else might find the strategies and stories helpful, the best thing you can do is share episodes using the share button in the podcast player, or leave a five star review on Apple or Spotify or your podcast player of choice, letting them know why you've benefited from this podcast.

Skye: 45:19

Thanks so much for listening. And we'll see you back in the ADHD lab next week.